Tuesday, 27 August 2013

42 (little) Things Worth Giving Up Now

There is much to be said for being in the process of ____, or reminding yourself that "slow and steady is what will win the race". Though I am a H-U-G-E believer in being easy on yourself when making changes and of setting yourself up for success by moving forward at a pace that is manageable, there are some things that you could let go of right now that would do you a world of good and really get your ball moving in the right direction. 

  1. Doubting Yourself - You are just as worthy and just as capable as anyone else who is breathing the same air. You just have to know that and it will catapult you into your awesome space. 
  2. Negative Self-Talk - Why are you being mean to yourself?? If you wouldn't tell that to a child or a friend then why do you say it to yourself?? 
  3. Anger - Anger can be healthy in the short term but it is not meant to be held on to. Use it to move you forward and to take back you personal power but then know that it has served its only purpose and release it. 
  4. Gossip - Gossip will not be the foundation of a strong and trusting relationship. Do treat others with the same respect that you would like to be treated. You set that bar and gossip sets it pretty low.
  5. Fear of Failure - Try. If you don't try you will never know. You may surprise yourself. You will definitely learn something and contribute to your own expansion.
  6. Fear of Success - There is nothing evil about having it all or about wanting it all. We were designed to have desires. Choose what you desire and know that you deserve goodness because you were born to. And that is enough. 
  7. Shame - You are doing the best that you know how to do. There is no shame in that. Perhaps you will do it differently next time now that you know more. 
  8. Procrastination - If it can be done today it would likely feel best to do it today. Do your best to feel your best.  Holding yourself back from accomplishing what will feel good is a form of self abuse. 
  9. People Pleasing - Be true to yourself. If others are happy along the way that is a great bonus. You came to this earth to experience living and to grow in a manner that expands you. Trying to be what someone else wants you to be/ expects you to be will not in the end feel authentically you and will not lead to the sense of satisfaction that we all seek. 
10. Anything done in Excess - Moderation is the key. Excessive eating, drinking, exercise does not support the balance that you were created to enjoy. 
11. The phrase "I can't ____." - Because you can. You may choose not to, but saying I can't really is saying that you are not willing to do what it takes to be able to. And that is your choice. But it is a choice and so hang on to your power and name it the choice that it is. 
12. Hate - It's just not a healthy feeling way to live. I really don't think I need to explain that one. 
13. Your Need to Impress Anyone Other Than You - Do it for you. If other's get excited along the way, bonus. Expand your horizon because it is what feels right for you. After all, it is YOU who will be hanging out there on that horizon.  
14. Criticism - What we criticize in another really is a mirror image of what it is in ourselves that we are unhappy about. Learn to love that person as they are. That goes for you too. 
15. Taking Care of the Needs of Others Before Your Own - Your needs are just as important as anyone else's and you can't give away what you don't already have. Take time to fill your cup before you share with others.  (notice I didn't say instead of sharing, I said BEFORE sharing)
16. A Quick Fix - The "Easy Street Mentality" is not serving you. There is no way to get rich over night. There is no magic pill that is going to take off the weight. If you want it. Ask yourself WHY you want it. How do you expect to feel when you have it. Then believe you can have it and start feeling it now in any small way that you can. Watch that be what grows in your life. 
17. Worry - If you can change it then you don't need to worry about it because you can change it. If you can't change it, then there is no sense in worrying about it because you can't change it.  Don't waste your energy there. 
18. Living In The Past - What is done is done. If it was something that was good, that is great.  If it was something that was not good, it still falls under the category of "WAS".  Focus on what is and what can be. 
19. Blame - Blaming another for anything gives away your personal power.  Instead, accept your role, take responsibility and move on. 
20. Laziness - Get up and get moving. Action is required. 
21. Complaining - What you focus upon is what will grow in your life. Complaining is focus on something that you don't like, so why feed it. Instead focus on anything that you DO like. Feed that and let IT be what grows.
22. Control - You simply cannot control it all. Trying to control everything will only lead to higher stress levels. 
23. Excuses - They are not serving you. Recognize them. Take responsibility for your role and choose to move forward. 
24. Comparing Yourself to Others - You have a different story, a different path and a unique set of gifts. There is no comparison. Embrace your individuality. 
25. Keeping Constantly Busy - Learn to sit silently and listen. Really listen. It is in this place that you will connect with that deeper place inside of you and where you will hear the whispers of your heart. 
26. Perfectionism - There is nothing noteworthy about having it all be perfect. Perfect is a personal perception. 
27. Attachment to the Details - There are SO many options and paths. Follow your gut and be open to possibility
28. The Need to Always Be Right - You might learn something new.
29.  Foods That Slow You Down - "You are what you eat"
30.  Trying to do Everything On Your Own - Being able to do it on your own doesn't mean that you have to. 
31. Grudges - Who is suffering from your grudge really???  You.
32. Waiting for the Perfect Time - Nobody ever feels 100% ready when a opportunity to grow beyond what is your current comfort zone presents itself. That will always be true for us all, but there is no time like the present to get yourself started down that new path. 
33. Trying to Avoid Mistakes - Mistakes are going to happen, but they are not mistakes if they move you forward and help you to learn, grow and expand yourself.
34. Looking Outside of Yourself for the Good Stuff - All of your Good Stuff is inside. Look there and I promise that you will find it. 
35. Keeping Your Thoughts and Emotions Inside - The people in your life are not mind readers. Use your words and communicate with them. 
36. Avoiding/ Fear of Change - Nothing is permanent. That can be a helpful way to see things when you are not happy with a situation. It too shall change. 
37. Relationships with People who Bring You Down - There are so many people in the world with whom you can connect. Treat yourself and others well and choose to be treated well. You deserve that.
38. Habits that you Know are Not Good for you - Butt out that cigarette. Don't answer that text while you are driving etc. 
39. Making Mountains out of Mole Hills -   When something feels big to me I always ask myself "Is this a defining moment in my history?" Usually, the answer is no and I can release the stress and move on more easily.
40. Taking it all too Seriously - You came to this life to enjoy the process.  You aren't ever going to get it all done. There will always be something that you want to have, do, become, experience.... It's a journey that is meant to be enjoyed.  Laugh a little. It's good for you.
41. Thinking About the Things that you Don't Have - Count your blessings instead of your woes. It's OK to want to have whatever it is. That is natural for us humans but you do have a lot of things to be grateful for and they are what you deserve to have multiply.
42. Looking for Change in the Same Place Again and Again -  If you want to feel differently then you have to live it differently. 

What do you think?? Is there anything on that list that stands out for you?? What did I miss that you would add to the list??

As always, I love it when you share your thoughts. You can use the comment section below or come on over to my Facebook page, say hello and tell me what you think.

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

How Do I Begin To Learn To Love Myself??

This week I want to share a story with you.  It's a love story. It's an "in progress" tale. It's my story.  

I wasn't always in love with myself. My family and my University roommates will testify to that for sure. There were a few dark years in there. I had been a fun loving yet responsible student in my first year, but that changed as a darkness set in.  It was heavy and I was not equipped in any manner to love myself through it.  It took over my so-called life for a few years.  Now that I have found my way back to me I write about there being many ways in which we can sort through the grey stuff and get to the good stuff. I have done the work and I know that to be true, even though at the time my stuff felt darker than grey. I understand depression, in a way that surprises those who know the me of now.  

I judged myself harshly. I was sweet and easy going and full of understanding for others.  In fact part of what has drawn me to coaching is the part of me that puts other people at ease.  I have a calm way about me that seems to invite friends and even strangers  to share some of their most personal thoughts. But I didn't show that same patient kindness to myself. Why not?

To be truthful, I have no idea. Still.  I come from a loving and supportive family who have strong values and morals and yet, I wasn't always very nice to me. Over the past few years I have uncovered a lot about my own limiting beliefs and I have changed a lot of the language I use in my "self-talk". I know that I am not done, but I have made such huge changes for me that I wanted to share with you what I believe has been KEY for me.

I think that one of the biggest and most important questions to ask yourself is, is the boy across the classroom, the girl in the next cubicle, or the man in the bank really any different, any better or any more worthy than anyone else in the room, including yourself??  And if the answer to that is in fact No, then why is it that his or her opinion about you should hold so much power??Logically speaking, that doesn't make much sense. Emotionally speaking it makes NO sense. And yet it just was that way for me. It just mattered.

And it showed up in all of my relationships.  I was quiet and let others pick the movie, choose the restaurant, decide if I was invited or if he would go on without me.  I rationalized everything of course so that it made sense and felt as OK as it could, but really, I knew that they were excuses mostly.  I was far from empowered in my own life. I had no direction or real goals. I let others make the call. I didn't like myself for it, but that was how I rolled and I didn't expect it to ever be different.

A few bad years and more than one heartache later, when that thought pattern, belief system, idea habit became apparent to me I knew right away that it was definitely not one that was doing me any favors. I wanted to switch it up. But I had been doing it that way for years and years. HOW was my question. How do I change that??  Where do I even begin?? 

Louise Hay posted a Facebook status last week that brought the humble beginnings of my journey to the front lines when she said a "part of self-acceptance is releasing other people's opinions." From where I stand now, that makes total sense. But I remember a time when I would have followed that up with a "Yeah, but.....".

Many of the things we chose to believe about ourselves have absolutely no basis in truth. Just like my belief about anyone being any better or more worthy than I also had no basis in truth. It lived only in MY perception. So that is where I started. With perception. Perception didn't seem too heavy. It seemed like something I could handle and as good a starting place as any, so I began there.

I began reminding myself that to those same people who I felt had a power in my life, I was the other person across the desk. Chances were, if we really aren't so different from one and other, that they were worried about MY opinions. I also forced myself to stop and to take a moment to think about me as those who love me would. They are of course biased to my awesomeness. So I used that to slant my own biased opinion of me.  For me, if I aimed for a high 9/10 score on my personal awesome scale and I came out really believing at a 6/10 it was a step in the right forward direction.

I never tried to see myself as being better than anyone. After all my goal was not to flip the script completely, it was to find balance. I wanted to feel that I was just as good as anyone else. Equally worthy. Equally Awesome. 

That was the first chapter of the story in which I humbly began to fall in love with me. And now, many chapters later, I like myself too. Equally Awesome is a perception of myself that IS doing me favors and serving me well. Stay tuned for the rest. There are a few nail biting moments for sure, but it's turning out well and I am predicting a happy ending.

Now it's your turn.  Have you written your first chapter or are you currently working it out??  I'd be so glad to have you share your inspirational tale here in the comment section or over on my Facebook page, after all, you're equally awesome too!  

OR - If you need help figuring out where to begin to learn to love yourself, I have been there and done that and I would be honored to help you to sort through your grey stuff, and then to find and create more good stuff. Add your name and email above and maybe you'll win a free 1 on 1 discovery hour to get the ball rolling.  

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

3 Ways to Add More Love, Respect and Appreciation to Your Life

Up and Down. Back and Forth. In and Out. Black and White. Give and _____ .  Can you fill in the blank???  "Its better to give than to _____."  How about that one??? Any ideas???  

Receiving has been a tough thing for me to learn.  I have always been a "Giver".  I wouldn't change that about me for anything. But I do think that putting that quality into balance is important and often over-looked by many of us.  

Its not unusual for a client of mine to bring to the conversation a desire to feel more appreciated in their lives.  It is not unusual for that same client to believe that it is important for them to put the needs of others in front of their own. Many of us have learned that it is better to give than to receive and we have taken that to heart and to the extreme. We give of ourselves with a belief that giving is somehow what makes us good people. We of course want to be good people, and so with this desire fueling our creative process, we attract into our lives people and situations that allow us to give. Pretty simple really. We give of our time, our energy, our money and often we do it to a point of feeling busy, tired and financially depleted. But at least we are good people.

Sometimes we forget that every relationship is shaped by the dynamic of both giving AND of receiving. Like the tide that comes in to shore and goes back out to sea or a pendulum that swings back and forth, giving and receiving are different aspects of the same flow of energy. 

We are unable to give of something that we don't have. I can't share with you my piece of the pie if I don't have it. That applies to love energy as well. That energy can't flow from you unless it is there to begin with. That means that having a truly loving and balanced relationship of give and take depends on your ability to nurture yourself, and practice self care. That is not being selfish, that is taking care of yourself. 

There are a few angles with which we could approach the same core thought of the importance of self care.
  1. You can't share what you don't have, so take the time to have "it" so that you might share "it". Feel good about yourself, love yourself and share that good feeling with the people you meet.
  2. In order for us to be givers (and good people), we must pair up with receivers. It is really very thoughtful of those others to keep receiving so that we might have a place to keep giving.  But do those wonderful others a thoughtful favor and learn to receive. GIVE them a place to put their giving and an opportunity to be good people too. 
  3. All of our relationships mirror how we feel about ourselves. Meaning that you must be the one to set the bar as to the level of love, respect and appreciation that you will be shown by others by showing those same levels of love, respect and appreciation to your own Self. (Its basic Law of Attraction) 

The first two examples are not my personal favorites of reasons why you should include your own well-being on your priority list, but they work, and this is a very individual journey so whatever works for you is how you should do it. If that is what helps to be your motivations to begin feeling comfortable with receiving from another, it is as a good place to begin as any. 

The third angle is perhaps a more soulful realization that you will come to as you become more comfortable with the practice of giving to your Self. Taking care of yourself, your mind, your body and your spirit will put you on a the path to falling in love with and truly appreciating the the most important person in your life - You. 

If the idea of giving to your self and of practicing self care is new to you, and focusing on your own well-being has not made it to your priority list in the past, please don't be tough on yourself.  Know that we each do the very best that we know how with what information and awareness we have at the time. As your levels of awareness change so will your priorities and your actions. It is never too late to begin taking care of you or learning about yourself.  As your understanding of you grows you will naturally make choices that nurture your relationship with you. There is no need to worry. It will all be revealed to you at a pace that is comfortable for you. Your only job is to pay attention to what you are doing for yourself and how that makes you feel and then to do more of what makes you feel good. Practice receiving love, respect and appreciation first from yourself and then from the Universe. 

Let's Talk About It

If you needed to hear this today and you know a friend or two who would like it too, please spread the word and share with your peeps. 

Then, come on over to my facebook page to say Hi and share your thoughts, or use the comments section below to tell me: 

How hard is it to love yourself? Are you a giver who has a tough time receiving? 
What do you do to really show yourself the love, respect and appreciation that you deserve? How did you get to this awesome feeling place? Share your tips and help another to find their own awesome feeling place of self love?