I enjoyed Toronto life for 10+ years. This morning, as I listened to her speak of her city life, of cafes, subway systems, night life and social gatherings over cocktails and sushi I confess, I miss it all.
As I sipped and listened to her tales, I remembered my feelings about my move to the country. I was not happy to be here. I had spent a lot of time driving back to the city every chance I had. But today I notice how differently I have come to feel.
I looked out the window at the forest that is across the corn field from what is now home. I began to think about the summer nights ahead. I pictured friends enjoying a barbecue on the deck and a campfire in the yard. I imagined people sporting jeans and a t-shirt, likely a baseball cap and informal flip flops. Someone has a guitar. There is always a guitar. There are folding lawn chairs and coolers keeping cans nicely chilled. There are pick up trucks in the drive-way and every neighbor is a welcome friend. It maybe a special occasion or it may be a Tuesday that we are celebrating. Am I a country mouse?
City/Country. Country/City. If both places feel comfortable, then where do I belong? How do I know? Where will I find my happy life?
I was happy in the city. There are so many great things about city living. But I am happy in the country. And there are so many great things about being a country girl. Do I have to decide? Am I to be one or the other?
Just then, I was hit by my own words as they left my mouth intended for my sister's ears.
"Its not a thing that will make any of us feel a feeling"
If it's not a thing, then it's not a location either. I could move back to the city and find my way into a routine and an adventure that would feel good for me. And I can stay here and enjoy routines and adventures that also feel good to me.
And that means I am doing it!! I am living what I have been teaching. I have been living it as I have been teaching it and I didn't even realize. It's one thing to know the answer and to be conscious of it, but now I know that I am living it so well that it has become unconscious. It just is.
I am responsible for my level of happy. Only me. Not anyone else, or any thing, or any location. Absolutely things can and do effect me. And don't get me wrong, I like to shop and have "things" too. But when are able to see that it is not about the thing or the location, or the event, or the other person, and know that it IS about how you are feeling in any given moment... then you have found the kind of freedom that so many of dream of.
I know I can fit into and enjoy the city or the country. I don't need to label the kind of mouse that I am. I am what I am. And what I am is someone who, with practice, can find and create the good in my life in changing circumstances or locations.
Are you living it? I'd love to hear what you have to share.
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